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That was so much fun let�s do it again. This is part two in a many part series. Click here if you missed part one. This is the series where I talk mad shit about the people in my office because they suck. First up today is Nosy Bitch. Nothing is off limits to this girl. She will ask you if you stuck your finger in your husband�s butt during sex this morning. She has no boundaries whatsoever. Her one redeeming characteristic is that you can say, �Holy shit, that�s none of your business!� and she will say, �Oh. Okay.� She won�t be offended at all. She also talks really loudly and makes up rumors when she�s bored. She�s odd. And then we have Guy Who Reminds Me of a Hyperactive Puppy. Not sure how to explain this guy except that if you ask him how he is today, he�ll probably say, �Oh yes ha ha just fine ha ha yes fine ha ha ha.� Also, when he gets out of his car he walks around and checks to be sure all four doors are locked every single time. Then he taps the roof. Scary part? He is our cold call telemarketer. He calls people and asks, �Ha ha ha how are you today yes ha ha are you happy with your ha ha ha current ha ha ha insurance provider oh yes ha ha?� I kind of want to kick him when he walks past me. Our office is in three sections: the Personal Lines section, which you have to go outside and across a courtyard to get to and which I have nothing to do with; the front Commercial Lines section, where I am; and the back Commercial Lines section that we call the Pasture. The Pasture is where all the ladies in their fifties and sixties are for some reason. We didn�t plan it that way, but somehow all the younger girls are in the front where clients come in, and the older ladies are in the back. The ladies of the Pasture are bitter old bitches. One woman�s husband came in a few years ago and announced in front of the entire office that he was leaving her and she�d never see him again. So that explains why she�s bitter. One lady is almost completely blind and drives a Corvette, which really strikes fear into my heart. The other keeps being brought into and out of favor with the management here, which understandably has jaded her and now she puts forth the smallest amount of effort necessary to do her job adequately. Once upon a time she was great at her job, now she just does it to get it done. Someone asked who I am in the office. I am the Girl Who Sighs. If you give me something to do, I�m going to heave a gigantic sigh and dramatically clear a small space for your stupid file. I am going to give you a scathing look because if you were to do this thing yourself, it would be done a lot sooner than if you make me do it. And heaven help you if you ask me the same question for the seventh time today. I have no workplace manners and I will tell you to fuck off. Oh, and? I am the girl that all the delivery guys go to with their clipboards even though I�m not reception because I�m the cutest. So ha. (Confidential to office supply delivery boy: call me.) Lastly (today) we have Girl Who Speaks Polish on the Phone All Day. She�s a new hire, and she�s good at her job. But she likes to talk and she�s pretty nosy in her own way, which makes Nosy Bitch hate her. (For being too nosy, oh the humanity.) She�s thirty-eight and has a twenty-one-year old husband. And a fifteen-year-old daughter who she�s forever calling in to school. (I�d be more surprised if that wasn�t happening.) She also has an autistic ten-year-old and a nine month old (with the new husband). Her husband sometimes drives her to work and then sits in the parking lot blasting bad techno music ALL DAY. Like, she gets out of the car at seven, and he sits there until she leaves at four. That�s just bizarre. She also has an opinion about everything, and knows everything. She has a zillion alarms on her PDA set to go off every half hour or so all freaking day. She is in the cube next to me. I think I can almost speak Polish now. That was fun but I think I have to do some work now. Kids are: No one has turned it on yet. Last person who pissed me off: DMIL just came over here and annoyed me. Heard in my house: "My pillow is all wet!" That's because you're a mouth breather, kid. Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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