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Do you hear that? It's the heavenly chorus of angels. I slept until about six-thirty (well except for the phone ringing at 5:30 but that wasn't for me so I just rolled over) and woke up to... silence. My kids got to sleep until seven and they're in great little moods because of it. No extra kids, all day. Not until Friday! If I wasn't Jabba the Gestating Hut right now I'd do that little jump-and-click-your-heels-together thing, mostly for the happiness of my boys. They got up and looked around and their little faces just lit up when they saw they had me (and their toys, more likely) to themselves ALL DAY. I may even get to go grocery shopping so we don't have to have cereal for three meals today. Yay! Ahem. I do feel bad for being so very happy. It's not really that I don't like the kids. They're just a lot for me to handle right now. If nothing else perhaps I can get rid of this cold I've been fighting for a week and a half now. That would be sweet. And they've given me a new appreciation for my boys. Now I know how bad they could be. Sunday was Nick(the soon to be ex)'s birthday. The boys wanted to call him to tell him happy birthday, so I tried calling a few times and he never picked up so I finally had them just leave him a message. He never called back. I called him yesterday to make sure he was taking them this weekend and he was like, "Oh, I didn't have my phone on me," which for him is like leaving home without his penis. It does not happen. Then I asked him, since I had him on the phone, could the boys talk to him right then to say happy birthday since they were just bursting to, and he said that he was "heading in to someplace right now" and he'd call back later on last night. Think he did? Of course not. So not only did I have to calm down Nickolas after I hung up because you try explaining to a four-year-old that yes, I was just talking to Daddy but he was too busy "heading in to someplace" to talk to you, but I had to get them to go to bed without talking to him even though yes, he did say he was going to call back tonight and yes, I will wake you up if he does call. Which we all know he won't. I don't know why I'm acting so surprised that he's a dick, this is after all the same guy who left me when Lukas was two days old because he just "wasn't feeling it" but fuck. One day he's all pissed off because I get to do whatever I want and I ruined his life and I took his world away and the next day I can't even get him on the phone for two minutes so his sons can tell him happy fucking birthday. It just kills me. What kills me even more is that I still have the occasional "oh my god what have I done" thought about leaving him which is crazy, right? I mean, I've known for years that I was unhappy with him. Which the repeated cheating on him would seem to indicate pretty clearly. But there will always be a part of me that says, "This is the father of your children. You must have loved him once," and I think I did but now I'm not as sure as I once was. He came into my life at a point when my high school sweetheart had just died and my bounceback boyfriend was in prison and I was on curfew probation and in outpatient rehab. (Holy shit. I am a soap opera. Or a Springer episode unto myself.) Probably not the best time to start anything. And I ended up pregnant with Lukas before we even knew what we were doing. I probably just told myself I loved him so I didn't feel so trapped by the situation. I don't know. Welcome to my world of hormones and mood swings. Is it April yet? Late April? Please? Kids are: Quietly watching Clifford. They have a new appreciation of quiet too. Last person who pissed me off: Nick. The kids want two fucking minutes. Asshole. Heard in my house: Sweet, beautiful quiet. Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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