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at 2005-03-08 around 11:34 a.m.

Isn�t it strange how becoming a parent changes the memories you had of your own childhood? Think about all those weekends you spent at your grandma�s house. Um, your parents were out getting wasted. Remember the times your mom sent you to your room saying, �Just get out of my sight for a while�? Now you know how close you came to death by strangulation. When your dad and his friends went out on the patio to �talk,� they were so getting high. Those mornings that they were both �sick�? They had the flu, all right. The bottle flu. I�m sure I could think of a ton more but I�m trying not to give myself an aneurysm. (Don�t EVER think about the times their bedroom door was locked. EVER.)

I started thinking about that last night when I was screaming at my kids because they wouldn�t stop fighting, pushing, biting, slapping, just generally pissing me off. I stopped and thought, how do they see me? If I�m not careful, they�ll see me as a scary woman who always yells and hits and freaks out, and they�ll start to wish they were at daycare. They�ll think of their childhood as traumatic. Obviously, that�s not what I�m going for here. That scared me into calming down and acting a lot more reasonably. I�ve already given up sweets for Lent, now I�m adding freaking out as a late entry. From now until Easter, I am going to see just how calm I can be. I�m going to take deep breaths and count to five before I scream at the boys for pushing each other and biting. Hopefully it will be the beginning of a changed habit and a changed me. If I can give up sweets, I can give up being a screaming beast.

After screaming at the kids, I got a migraine. Okay. I get it. Cut out the high blood pressure bullshit. I get it.

Kids are: "Tilt Ya Head Back" Nelly & Christina Aguilera. Love this song.

Last person who pissed me off: My parents for being so like me when I was little.

Heard in my house: "My brother said no to me!" I don't know why, but this is the highest insult to them. Annoying.

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