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at 2004-07-12 around 12:58 p.m.

Today is kind of sad, because as it turns out, yes, I was pregnant, but I�m not anymore. Nick is being nicer about it than I thought he would be, but it�s still hard. I was only 6 weeks. I guess these things happen for a reason; I�ll just keep telling myself that. Now it�s time for some big changes.

I was going about this whole situation all wrong. I need to chill out and let things roll off me instead of analyzing every comment everyone makes. It�s not worth it. I will, however, continue to work on Nick about the no-more-kids thing. I have thought about it from his point of view, and he has some valid points, like where will we get the money to raise three kids, and you think you�re tired now, just wait, but I can get past those things. It�s not like we have the money to raise the two we have anyway, and if we wait to become �financially stable� before we have another, we never will. (Longest run-on sentence ever.) And I realize that it will be more work, but really, I�m run so ragged right now I probably wouldn�t even notice. If I could get him to see that I really do want this, and I�m not just saying that I do because everyone else is pregnant right now, maybe he will reconsider. Even though he�s not exactly known for his open-mindedness, he should see how upsetting it is to me that he won�t budge. I end up crying every time it gets brought up.

I am finally almost caught up with things at work! I may actually get to think about what I write here instead of typing it all out as fast as I can and not reading it until I go back a few days later and thinking, �Gosh, I sound like a moron!� Good thing I actually am a moron or I�d be mad about that. But yeah, my desk is looking much less scary, and even though I had to come in on a Saturday (ick) to accomplish it, I�m glad.

See how this works? I actually have a minute to write, and I can�t think of anything to say.

Oh, yeah! Our friends in Arizona called last night with the greatest news: they have set Nick up with a job! They are willing to hold it open for him until we get there! That is such wonderful news, now I have one less thing to worry about. I was terrified that we�d get out there and it would be like this all over again: me working my ass off, my kids sitting in day-care (shudder), and Nick sitting at home. But it looks like this will work. It�s even doing something he�s done before and was very good at. The pay�s not great, only like $11 an hour, but it�s better that nothing an hour. Plus I make way more than that so we should be cool. Another wonderful thing: he also got released to go back to work here and started this morning! Soon we�ll be getting two checks again, and it should be a matter of weeks before we get out of here. Things are looking up, I suppose. Oh, I probably shouldn�t say that. It�s such bad luck, especially for me. I exude bad luck. I also have the unique ability to break your car, just by riding in it. I am not kidding. My mom is the same way. We also screw up computers, tv�s, pretty much anything electrical. We�ve been told by many people (some very creepy, once an old homeless man who was very obviously mentally ill started screaming that my aura hurt him) that we have strong magnetic fields. Very strange. And we had this even before we were struck by lightning. (We�re fine, thanks.)

Last night I taught Lukas how to catch fireflies because he wouldn�t go to sleep and I wanted to tire him out. Boy did that ever work. And the look on his face when they lit up was absolutely priceless. Every single time he would gasp and say, �It flashed its light, Mommy! Look, the light fly!� He called them �light flies,� and I�m not going to correct him. I am in the process of learning to pick my battles with him, and when he is in a good mood, I am not going to do anything to sabotage that. Poor kid, I really don�t think he gets enough sleep during the week because of how early I have to be at work. It�s not fair to him, but I can�t put him to bed earlier because he�s not tired then. I can�t get the babysitter to give him an earlier nap because she has so many kids, he�d never go to sleep when everyone else is still up. I�m kind of stuck on this one, anyone out there have a really crabby kid? Please tell me what you did that worked, and what didn�t work for that matter. I�d appreciate the help more than you know. Well, if you�ve been there I suppose you would know. He�s two and a half, well into his �terrible twos�, even though I hate that term. And he�s an angel most of the time if his brother isn�t around, but put the two of them together, and it�s like Wrestlemania. I don�t know if it�s just sibling rivalry or what, but I�m tearing out my hair here. I know they�re good kids, but the hitting and biting and kicking is making me nuts. That must be why kids are so cute � so we don�t kill them!

Kids are:

Last person who pissed me off:

Heard in my house:

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Miss Anything?

pics - 2007-06-05
I said I'd update again, but I didn't promise substance - 2007-06-04
I said I'd update again, but I didn' - 2007-06-04
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