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at 2004-09-22 around 11:45 a.m.

Hi, my name is Beth, and I have ADD.

That is how my morning is going. I cannot concentrate on anything this morning. It is truly getting silly how inept I am becoming�medication, please.

My car is fixed, $285 later, but here�s the kicker. That was just for the tie rod ends. Now, we still need a CV axle and both ball joints. That�s going to be another $350. That has to be done before I can get my minivan. I am so tired of everything costing me so much money! I didn�t sign up for this. I never asked to be a grown up. Crazy how it just happens anyway.

I was bitching to Nick last night (I know you�re shocked) and I said to him, �It�s not like my life is really bad, because it�s not. It�s just really, really annoying.� He started laughing and told me that�s exactly it. You feel bad complaining, because it�s not like we live in a box or anything, but everything is just so. damn. irritating. Case in point: last night, watching the only show I actually plan my day around watching � �Scrubs.� I love �Scrubs� and I want to do dirty things to Zach Braff. So I�m in TV heaven for the one time a week I get excited about a show (besides football, but that does not count), and the cable goes out. After an earth-shattering collective moan from everyone in the house (we were all watching the same thing, but on four different TV�s), it comes back on. For the commercials. Then, as soon as the show comes back on, it goes out again. And stays out. Until exactly 9:00, when it comes back on. Is that not seriously annoying? It�s like the universe is fucking with me, just to see when I�ll run off screaming into the woods. Hey, universe? It will be very soon if you don�t cut it out. Seriously. And enough with the dead things under my office, too. It smells sick as hell in here. Thanks.

I. Cannot. Concentrate.

So lately, I have had some trouble sleeping, but not trouble like Kristin is having, trouble like I feel even more tired when I wake up than I did when I fell asleep. I am exhausted all day, but I can�t sleep then � must work! And potty train! And play let�s roll like pencils down the hill! By the time I get the kids into bed, I can�t even think about doing any housework, which makes my dad just furious, which makes me cry because I�m tired of everyone being mad at me for being such a fuckup, yes, I KNOW I�m 25 and I live at home but what the fuck do you want me to do? And then I just give up and go lay in bed and try to read, which makes Nick furious because I don�t want to spend any time with him, which makes me cry because I�m tired of being made to feel like shit because I�m a bad wife. Yes, I KNOW I don�t want to be all lovey-dovey touchy-feely, and I�m SORRY, but I can�t make myself feel something I don�t. Not that I�m not still madly in love with Nick, but I�m not a demonstrative person. After a day of the kids climbing on me, I don�t want to be climbed on anymore. I want my body back. I think I�ve said this before. I don�t know. Whatever.

Huh. DMIL just came over here and told me I don�t look so good. I don�t feel so good either, I haven�t for a few days, I�m dizzy and nauseous. Good times. She said she�d go make me some chai. What a lady.

So, the moral of this story is: see what happens when I quit drinking?

Kids are: I can't hear it. That's weird.

Last person who pissed me off: Coworker who's cutting her hours to four a day.

Heard in my house: On a star.

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Miss Anything?

pics - 2007-06-05
I said I'd update again, but I didn't promise substance - 2007-06-04
I said I'd update again, but I didn' - 2007-06-04
the short version - 2007-05-30
title this - 2007-04-14

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