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First of all, thank you to everyone who told me to BREATHE yesterday. I did, and I feel much better. I didn�t eat chocolate, though, because Nick brought me cherry cheesecake. I think he could smell the gunpowder in the air when the O.C. was preempted by President Fuckface. (Shit. Can I say that without the FBI calling me? Who cares.) He�s always so wonderful to me in the evenings. (Nick, not Fuckwad.) The mornings are a bit of a different story. A story that goes something like, �Nick, I could use some help. Nick, please help me with the boys. Nick, could you just get their teeth brushed? Can you get their shoes on? Can you at least move your car?� All he says is, �Mrrrph. I�m GETTING up. FINE. OKAY. FINE.� But the funny part is, he�s still in bed. THEN, as I�m walking out the door, he gets up and sits on the toilet and takes a twenty minute shit so that when I bitch later that he didn�t help me AGAIN, he can say, �But I did get up. You were just in so much of a hurry you didn�t wait for me.� Pssssht. Assface. He�s lucky he�s cute. This morning I saw a truck that had painted �Caution: I drive like you do� on it. That made me laugh. I almost hit him just to prove the point, but no, I didn�t. I�m nice like that. Back to The O. C., that sucked. I was looking forward to laying on my couch counting Marissa�s ribs, but no. So I watched some show on TLC that I�m pretty sure I�ve seen before about crop circles. (I think I misplaced that modifier but I�m too lazy to go back. Not too lazy to type a long parenthetical about it, though.) Crop circles are awesome, with all the weird electromagnetic activity and watch stopping and shit. See, I do all those things too. I didn�t before I got struck by lightning, but ever since then I fry computers, especially car computers. (You know, the ECM or ECU, depending on what kind of car you drive.) Every car I�ve ever driven (not owned, driven) has electrical problems. I make lights flicker. The fluorescents above my desk need to be replaced about 39482305752370 times more often than the ones above normal people�s. I�m obviously some sort of freak. Nick decided that if I was to stand inside a crop circle, either something really cool or something really bad will happen. All of this made me realize what my next tattoo will be � duh, a crop circle. I need to find the coolest one ever and I will get it tattooed on my foot. Why my foot? I don�t know. Because. Then I watched David Blaine, who not only is hot, but he scares me in a very sexy-in-the-pants way. I�d really like to hang out with him. Unless he did this. Then, I would make him leave because really, was that necessary? (Don�t click that link unless you want to see a man rip his beating heart out of his own chest.) This is what I woke up to this morning. If you are a parent, you may not want to click that baby either. Why do I watch the news? Why? Kids are: "You're A God" Oh, damn, who is this? Nine Days, I think. Last person who pissed me off: DMIL for asking me a zillion times what I'm doing this weekend. Heard in my house: "Look! I peed!" In the potty, even. Hell yes. And it was even one of the kids! Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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