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I�m listening to the women in my office tell birth stories. This would be cool IF I HADN�T ALREADY HEARD THEM A ZILLION TIMES. Why do they do this? It�s like once every few months, we all have to tell our stories AGAIN. Isn�t anyone else bored with this? Well, apparently not if they�re still talking. I don�t tell mine because it isn�t very interesting. My husband wouldn�t wake up to bring me to the hospital because he�d been out rolling all night, and when we got there he fell asleep and almost missed it because I only had to push three times. That was Lukas. With Nickolas, we watched football in the delivery room and I pushed four times. Not really good stories. To me, they�re wonderful, but I realize that to an outsider - not so much. The only �exciting� part was when my blood pressure crashed from the epidural, but that was only for a minute. See? I�m uninteresting. What would be very interesting is if I were to tell everyone who has been upsetting me lately the truth about why I don�t call (Dad) and why I act short (DMIL) and why I act like a bitch (Nick). I wish I was the type of person who could express her feelings, but I�m just not. Hence the online diary. I am getting to the point where people are going to hear it whether I want them to or not, and I don�t like that point. I like to be able to control what I say, but there comes a time where if I keep holding it in we�re all going to die. And then I say things I don�t mean, and I make it worse, and it starts all over again except twice as bad. For now I guess I�ll keep chewing on my lip (which now has a disgusting bloody hole in it) and lock the gun safe. (Just kidding, I don�t have a gun. I�m a felon, remember?) I should mention that Nick was sufficiently pissed off about the whole situation with DMIL lying to my boss about the money I owe him to ask her what her problem is, and she of course denied everything. Which doesn�t exactly make sense, since she�s pretty much caught, but Nick let it go. Then after she left, he told me not to tell her things anymore. Duh, I�m not the one who tells her anything. Ever. And remember how she signed me up for group dental so she could get a better rate, and then said she�d pay it for me since I really can�t afford the coverage right now? Well, that gets taken out of our checks, and I haven�t seen any money from her. Yes, she buys shit for the boys, but she always does. I�ve asked her not to (because she holds shit like that over our heads when it suits her) but she does anyway. Nick is beginning to see why she drives me so crazy, but not enough yet to move away from here. I, on the other hand, think about nothing but moving away from here. Kids are: A Don Henley song that I can't remember the name of. "This Love"? Last person who pissed me off: A whole lot of people. Heard in my house: "Can my brother sleep with me on the bottom bed?" Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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