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I am leaving for K’s wedding tomorrow night and I still don’t have a dress. Why am I so damn lazy lately? I was going to go at lunchtime yesterday, but then I went home instead. Good thing I did, because Nick was asleep on the couch and the boys were running around in diapers and hadn’t even had breakfast. At 12:30 in the afternoon. Sometimes, I have no words. But you know what? This isn’t one of those times. He didn’t call preschools yesterday either, of course. He did, however, throw at least seven games of darts in the front yard with Joe. I am SO FREAKING GLAD that I work all day to support his lifestyle of beer and darts. SO GLAD that I spent my lunch break cooking a meal for the boys and getting them dressed. SO GLAD that when I got home after Weight Watchers (where I weighed EXACTLY THE SAME as I did last week, mother fuck) the boys were down for a nap. At five in the evening. So I went to bed at seven and let him deal with wide awake boys at ten. I mean, come the fuck on. I’ll admit that I’ve been feeling a bit better lately, I’ve been getting into life a little more. I’ve been trying to ease up and take things a little less seriously. But at times like these, I feel like I’m the only one who’s paying attention to anything. The bills pile up unpaid, the dishes fill the sink, laundry takes over our bedroom, and I schlump off to work every day and come home to the same piles of shit that were there when I left. Yes, the living room is picked up and vacuumed, but I asked for help with the laundry. Sure, the boys’ room is clean, but I really hate when dishes sit in the sink. Does anyone even listen to me? I’m not so sure anymore. I’m scared that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. I can’t do this forever. Kids are: Sara Evans, something or other. Last person who pissed me off: Ugh. Everyone I've seen so far. Heard in my house: "I went peed. Change me." When the kid is old enough to say that, he's old enough to GO IN THE DAMN TOILET ALREADY. Miss Anything? It's a boy! - 2006-12-12
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