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I bought a dress. And shoes. And earrings. And suck-it-all-in underpants. The dress is everything it is supposed to be: long, light purple, and sort of sleeveless. (It has those floppy see-through sleeve things that everything seems to have this season.) The best part? It�s a size ten, bitches! I love it. I almost didn�t try it on because seriously, the last time I could fit into a ten was right after I had Lukas and I was, uh, not being very good to myself to put it mildly. But it very definitely fits, and it�s not even tight. Weight Watchers rules. Nick did laundry AND dishes yesterday. He tells me he doesn�t read this, but isn�t it odd that the very day I was bitching about those two particular things, he does them? We also have an appointment at lunchtime today to tour a preschool. Huh, I bitched about that yesterday too. But surely he�d have mentioned if he�d read the comments from that entry, where 80% of you told me to leave him. Well, maybe he wouldn�t. I don�t know. All I know is that I�m headed to Tennessee to see my best friend, who I haven�t seen in about seven months, get married and I�m not going to let him spoil it for me. I almost feel like I should come to his defense a little after some of the comments I received yesterday. There are times when he�s really great to me. I will admit we�ve got some big problems, but I don�t believe they are insurmountable. Of course I don�t think he�ll change just because I tell him to. However, I am still holding out hope that someday he will grow up. Before you flame me, yes, that hope dying a slow and agonizing death. I look at his father and I think, �If Nick ends up like that, I am so gone.� But Nick sees that his father got the way he is (forty-five, broke, chronically un- or underemployed, and living off wife #4) by acting the way that he himself is acting right now. He knows full well what will happen if he goes that route. I don�t think he believes I would ever leave him, but he knows that when I�m unhappy, he�s unhappy right along with me and he does a lot to keep himself happy. You know what? I�m making it worse. Never mind. Let�s just say that I don�t think I could make it on my own, and leave it at that. I�m really not a very strong person, or a motivated person. Plus if I had to take another job to support the boys, I would never see them and I feel robbed of their childhood as it is. I�m sure I�d have a lot of help, because no one I know would blame me for leaving, but it�s not a life I want for myself or for my boys. We�re leaving tonight. We�ll be back late Saturday night or early Sunday morning. Hopefully I�ll be back with pictures Sunday or Monday. I hope everyone has a great long weekend. I don�t mean to sound ungrateful for the advice I�ve been given. I realize that every one of you has a point. But right now there is so much fucked up in my life, I don�t want to go creating another problem for myself. Kids are: Commercials interspersed with American Idol talk. Last person who pissed me off: Today, not really anyone. Yet. Heard in my house: "I missed you sooooo much Mommy." Awwww. I just want to squeeze them till they fart. Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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