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Yeah, so this morning I noticed that my deodorant says to check with a doctor before using if you have kidney problems. I thought deodorant was a topical thing. Does it enter your bloodstream? I didn’t need to think about that so early in the morning. Now I need to know. *googling* Holy crap! Did you know that deodorant that contains aluminum is absorbed into your system and high levels of aluminum have been linked to Alzheimer’s and breast cancer? See, this is why I should just keep my head in the sand. Everything is scary and everything will kill me. Some crazy person is admiring my boss’s shoes. Fucking weirdos, everywhere I look. Crazy Drunk Bitch (or CDB I suppose I could call her) is now fifteen minutes late and counting. Twenty bucks says she’s in her car in the parking lot doing an eye-opener shot. (Don’t take that bet, you’ll lose.) I have never worked somewhere more ridiculous in my entire life. Where else can you come in smashed, fall down, and have the boss laugh and say, “What is IN that coffee?” Newsflash – IT’S RUM. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist. Oh damn, she’s here. Twenty-one minutes late. We actually did consider slipping her some laxative somehow, but here’s the problem – she never eats. But we were thinking that something crushed to a fine powder could make its way into her ever-present coffee cup. Something like…oh, maybe…acid. So she’d trip out and never know what hit her. She’d just suddenly see the walls breathing. And I wouldn’t even really have to crush it, just cut it up into small pieces. While wearing gloves, so I don’t join her in The Land of Crazy. Of course, I would NEVER do such a TERRIBLE thing. EVER. If you hear about it happening somewhere in Illinois, that was NOT me. Not at all. Nope. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to pee. Yes, again. Ha, CDB just turned the air conditioning on and complained she’s sweating. It’s 64 degrees in here and I’m shivering in a sweater. But you know how sometimes you get really hot when you’re drunk? Yeah. Kids are: Morning talk show. Last person who pissed me off: Still CDB. Heard in my house: "I want you to die that bug NOW, Mommy." Ew. It was the biggest scarab beetle thing I've ever seen. Crunchy. Miss Anything? It's a boy! - 2006-12-12
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