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Have you ever been so completely unprepared to feel something that it knocks your breath out of you? Have you ever had a memory come back so unexpectedly that you needed to pull your car over because you couldn�t see the road in front of you? Have you ever been amazed at how many things your brain can recover just from a certain smell, a sound, a song? This morning on my way in to work, I was listening to the CD Elizabeth sent me, and �Fade Into You� by Mazzy Star came on. And suddenly, I was sixteen. I was in love with my best friend�s brother and we snuck out to see each other all the time, but we couldn�t tell anyone. We didn�t want to have one of those high school relationships that are paraded in front of classmates. What we had was too real for that, and we knew it even then. We would wait until no one was at his house and just lie in his bed, listening to music like �Fade Into You� and wishing we were older. Then we would hear someone coming and race downstairs, and I would pretend that I was there for Br00ke and I had just gotten there. Years later, after he died, she told me she always knew. I was sixteen, and I hated school. I would show up late every day, stoned out of my tree. I skated through my classes doing the bare minimum of work required to get me out of that town. My teachers would cluck their tongues and make noises about high potential, amazing writing skills (where have they gone?), and genius IQ (ditto). I would do coke in the bathrooms and smoke pot in my car. My friends would tell me they were worried about me, and I would laugh because I was going to live forever whether I wanted to or not. I�d slide my Evian bottle of vodka out of my schoolbag (oh I was clever) and take a big swig to prove it. See? I�m on top of the world. I was sixteen, and everything was so dark. All the rooms I hung out in were smoky and dim, as were the characters I surrounded myself with. I dated boys in their twenties, and cheated on them all with my one true love. I separated myself from my family because when you�re sixteen, your friends are your family and they�re all you need. I didn�t realize they were using me and stabbing me in the back until it was too late, and I was alone. I was sixteen, and I drank too much and drove too fast. I mixed drugs, I jumped off buildings, I slept with strangers. I�m amazed I survived. Kids are: "Live and Let Die" How appropriate. Last person who pissed me off: Damn Mother Nature. It's December, why is it 50 degrees out? Heard in my house: "I'm a tidal wave! RAWR!" I have no idea either. Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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