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at 2005-03-29 around 10:17 a.m.

Interview questions, I know. I�m working on it. Every time I undertake something big, some bullshit happens and I can�t get it done. Mostly the bullshit involves my brain, but whatever.

My sitter just called to tell me that Nickolas threw a motorcycle at Lukas and gouged a chunk out of his face and Luke�s bleeding everywhere. Fucking. Great. She wants to sit down and have a talk. Even. Better. Because when she quits, I�m fucked. I can�t think of anything I needed less right now than to have my babysitter quit. I realize they are rowdy, but they are boys. And they are three and two. And they are making real progress in their behavior at home, so I don�t know why they instantly turn into monsters once they get to her house. Her real concern is the biting, which is the one thing that I can�t get them to fucking quit. I get so frustrated with them I have to leave the room sometimes, and there are days I think they spend more time in time out than playing, and they don�t seem to care. It has no effect. I�m seriously going to lose it if I can�t figure out what button to push with them.

And now my left eye started twitching again. It�s been twitching on and off for about five or six days now, which is totally awesome and I love it. For the love of Pete, can we say stress? I need a vacation. Oh yeah, I�m taking a vacation. I�m leaving in two days and I still don�t have child care completely covered. That�s fucking super too.

To all the people who commented yesterday: If I could quit my job, I would be taillights, believe me. But I carry the health insurance for the whole family, and one of the perks of working at this insurance agency is that it�s free. Also, when my old babysitter passed away back in October, I told my boss I would have to quit because I couldn�t afford anyone else. He responded by slipping me an extra $100 cash every week to make up the difference, on top of the other way too high amount that he already pays me, just so I can still be here. What I�m basically saying is that this place pays way more than I would make anywhere else and I can�t afford to quit. I hate it, but I can�t leave it. That right there is pretty much the source of 75% of my stress.

I�m off to surf the interweb for ideas on how to get my kids to stop with the murderousness. Any ideas, interweb? The sitter offered that it may have something to do with when Luke broke his leg and was in the cast, Nickolas got more solo playing time and now that Luke�s back to normal, he�s pissed. That�s a pretty damn good theory, but it sure doesn�t offer a solution.

Kids are: "More Than Words" Extreme. Ick ick ick ick ick.

Last person who pissed me off: DMIL for not shutting the fuck up about the current work "crisis."

Heard in my house: "Why?" Luke is in that fucking "why?" phase and I'm ready to lose it!

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