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I am totally convinced that I am pregnant again. This is of course a very bad thing. Not that I don�t want more kids, of course I do, ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I�m crazy because I want four kids. The problem is the timing completely sucks. I could not think of a worse time to have another baby. Nevertheless, all the symptoms are there: trouble sleeping, crazy vivid dreams when I finally do fall asleep, weird nauseous feeling if I don�t eat three square meals (which I never ever do), headache, oh my god this sucks. My period is not even late yet, but I just have this FEELING. I�ve been through this twice, I know the signs. Please, please, let me be wrong. (Who am I kidding, I�m never wrong.) Fedex delivered the new laptop to work today, so I guess now I have to start paying for that. We get to keep the broken one as a consolation prize, which I hear works except for the keyboard, and P bought a wireless keyboard and it works just fine. It looks pretty stupid, but it works. One more piece of half-functional bullshit to stack up around my house. We own so much shit that when we moved out of our old house, we filled up the largest unit that the storage place had to offer, AND my parents� basement. That is way too much crap. That�s what it all is, too: crap. Boxes and totes full of toys from Nick�s childhood and magazines from years ago and just bullshit that we should really throw away, but never actually do. So now I have a stupid laptop to add to the pile. Super. Why does everyone have to congregate by my desk to talk when I am trying to take my tiny half-hour lunch? This leaves me no time to do my lunchtime things, like this, or downloading music or games for my PDA, or other slackerrific internet things. It backfires on them, though � I just do them during work time. Like now. I�m getting paid for this, because you assholes can�t leave me alone for half an hour! (Why don�t you leave the building, you ask? Because Nick, though he has his own car, likes mine better and drops me off and picks me up at work so he can fuck around in my car all day. That�s why.) I�m digging this Diaryland thing already, I see that actual people are actually looking at things I wrote. A strange yet pleasant feeling. And I have found a person so much like me it�s creepy. You know who you are and you rock. As much as I rock, anyway. Plus, I am learning some basic html, which isn�t a bad thing either. Ooh, and yesterday when I got home from work, the stupid cheap PDA that I bought on eBay was there, and Nick took it apart and put a new screen on my old PDA, so now I have my beloved PDA back! It�s my favorite toy and I really missed it so I�m so happy that I have one of those boys who can fix things. My fun was ruined, though, when I told my dad and he was like, what else has he ever done for you besides knock you up and leave you, and break the thing in the first place, blah blah blah. My parents are never going to forgive Nick for what he did to me TWO YEARS AGO and I have forgiven him for it � since you don�t know, I�ll have to refresh my own memory and relive it� I was twenty-one when I found out I was pregnant with Lukas. Nick decided we should get married because that was the right thing to do. I told him we didn�t have to just because I was pregnant, but he said no, we were going to get married anyway, so let�s just do it sooner. So we did. He� s a year younger than me, so he turned twenty-one right before the wedding. He started partying a lot, and then he stopped coming home a lot. I just ignored it because I was pregnant, and that was a huge thing for me to deal with by itself, let alone worrying about what he was doing. Then, I went into labor with Lukas. My water broke around eleven o�clock on a Thursday night. Nick of course wasn�t there, so I kept calling him until he answered his phone and told him what was going on. He suggested that I chill the fuck out and he�d be there when he got there. I started having contractions around one o�clock, and he still wasn�t there. He rolled in around three. I could tell he was rolling � I know him. He fell asleep and I couldn�t wake him up until five o�clock, at which time I called my doctor, who said, �What are you waiting for? Why aren�t you at the hospital?� Good question. He finally took me in around six-thirty. He slept through most of the labor, woke up long enough to see the important parts, and slept all the next day while I was at the hospital. (As a whole other annoying part to the story, the MOMENT I gave birth, my mother-in-law pushed her way into the delivery room � while I was being stitched � and demanded to see HER baby. Why do I drink? She�s part of it.) We took Lukas home the next evening. My best friend came over to see him and remarked on how strangely Nick was acting. I had noticed it too, but I had just had a baby, and anyone who has had a baby knows that you don�t really give a fuck how anyone else is acting as long as you get some fucking painkillers. Right after she left, he told me he wanted a divorce. So I moved out. Back with my parents. He started dating this whore whose name was Kristin (of course it was) and I started dating this guy named Eric. Then all of a sudden he realized what a mistake he�d made and wanted me back, and I went because I loved him and I was only with Eric because he owned a really cool bar and everyone was afraid of him and he had good coke. We got pregnant again like a week later and pretty much never spoke of it again. My parents and most of my friends have never forgiven him for this, and they don�t understand how I could have. I don�t really care what they think, but it hurts me that people still try to set me up with other guys, hello, I�m married. Happily. Sure, he hurt me once, but we�ve gotten through that. Boy, this is getting way too serious, and WAY too long. I�ll have to continue this train of thought much much later. Kids are: Last person who pissed me off: Heard in my house: Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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