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Two things. One made me laugh with delight, the second made me scream and yell and (allegedly) swear at and possibly even spank my children. Nick called me. He's stuck in Indiana again and won't be home tonight. He heard "99 Problems" in the background and interrupted my latest DMIL story to say, "If you're having mother in law problems, I feel bad for you Beth." I replied, "I got 99 problems, but that bitch ain't one." He laughed and said "God you are one hot bitch." Love it. The kids were not going to sleep in their room. I could hear them fucking around. (4 days until separate rooms.) I opened the door to - naked kids, poop in two nice crystal glasses that I haven't seen for a while and gave up for lost, and the paring knife that disappeared last week IN NICKOLAS'S HAND. And they were JUMPING AROUND. Naked, poop-smeared, and armed. So, you say, how could I allow this to happen? If I was a good parent, they would be tucked away in their little beds dreaming sugar fucking plum dreams, right? (If you seriously thought that, see that little "x" in the upper right corner of your screen? Get on that, bitch.) Holy shit did I freak out. I feel a little bad, as the entire neighborhood just heard me yell "What the fuck is wrong with you?" to my preschool-age children, but what the fuck is wrong with them? Nick is not coming home. I have a freezer full of vodka and a fridge full of beer. But right now, I think it just might be ice cream time. Hell, I've got seven points left today and xanax won't cost me a single one. And all that gnashing of my teeth should burn some serious calories. Mother. Fucker. Kids are: The fan in my room is making a weird noise. And a funny smell. Oy. Last person who pissed me off: A certain knife-wielding two-year-old comes to mind. Heard in my house: "Because!" That's why he took it. And put his poo in a glass. Fucking BECAUSE. Miss Anything? pics - 2007-06-05
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